i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
