We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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