We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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