its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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