Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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