Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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