Pants 0. Shit 1.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
