Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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