Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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