I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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