I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
