guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
