she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
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But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
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A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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