Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
