if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
