I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
