We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
