im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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