I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
