Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
