I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize