i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
