Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
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