Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I need a burrito and a hug.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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