you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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