It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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