how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
