the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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