I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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