I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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