i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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