On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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