I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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