I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
