I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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