i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
