I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
