oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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