you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You ruined the universe
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
