I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
