my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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