i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
