I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
