You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
