Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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