cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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