Will you blow on my dice?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
