They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
