He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
