i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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