I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have fence marks all over my body
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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