I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
