Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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