it was like his penis was on wheels.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
