theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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