she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
