does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i will never coherently bang her
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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