i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
