YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
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I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
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I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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