bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
