Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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